


Dance of the Hours

by Blossomwitch



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Challenge Response, Ficlet Collection, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M, On Hiatus, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-03-31 02:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3960988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blossomwitch/pseuds/Blossomwitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>24 unrelated ficlets focusing on the relationship between Sanzo and Hakkai. Some friendship and some yaoi, and about everywhere in between. This fic is on hiatus as of chapter 9; so far the ficlets have featured some good advice, some breaking down of boundaries, some jealousy, Hakkai having an "issue" with the sutra and Sanzo taking issue with Gojyo's t-shirt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1 am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Originally published 5/22/10.
> 
> Initially I was planning on writing these ficlets in the chronological order of the prompts, but I realized quickly that the story would never get written if I confined myself to that rule. The rest of the ficlets will be longer than this snapshot.)

**(1:00 AM hour theme: wholeness of self and banishing of shadows)**

Hakkai stared out the window of another nameless inn, into another average dark night, surrounded by the usual silence. he was working very hard at not thinking about anything.

"Are you familiar with the expression, to get back on the horse that threw you?"

Hakkai didn't jump. He hadn't been aware Sanzo was awake; hadn't even heard him stir. "I am."

"And do you know the origin of the word nightmare?"

Hakkai blinked; then he smiled. "I do."

"Then go back to sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ("Mare" is actually an Old English word for demon, but a "nightmare" is often depicted as a demonic horse sitting on a sleeper's chest, so Sanzo's pun is forgivable. ^^)


	2. 5 am

**(5:00 AM hour theme: encouraging growth of the psychic self)**

Hakkai was habitually an early riser. It wasn't so much that he believed in getting a head start to the day as that he was incapable of staying asleep for more than a few hours at a time. When the journey west began, Hakkai quickly got in the habit of using the early morning to tend to the hundred myriad little tasks that built up so quickly; mending battle-torn clothes, planning the day's route, putting back supplies that had strayed from their designated place. He didn't expect anyone else to be awake, and so it was a few weeks before he realized someone else was.

All his experience would have led him to believe that Sanzo was not a morning person, simply because Sanzo didn't appear to be an afternoon, evening, or night person either--he was equally ill-tempered at all times. but one morning a few weeks into the trip, Hakkai paused outside Sanzo and Goku's door and listened quietly for a moment, nothing that there was only the sound of one person breathing inside.

He found Sanzo outside, sitting on a crate in the back alley. His eyes were closed and his hands pressed together; he was chanting underneath his breath, an expression of concentration on his face. There were a few cigarette butts on the ground next to him. Hakkai withdrew silently.

Since Sanzo seemed to be going to some pains to remove himself form the rest of the group while he performed his devotions, Hakkai decided at first to simply pretend he didn't know Sanzo was awake; but after a few more weeks of waking up and trying to move around without acknowledging Sanzo was also awake, it started to lose its appeal. If they were camping Sanzo would simply wander off, and if they had their own rooms at an inn Sanzo would remain locked in his until Hakkai decided it was time to get everyone up; but when they didn't have their own rooms, Sanzo would go to great lengths to secure a private place for an hour or so in the early morning. Hakkai noticed him on the roof more than once, and in alleys behind kitchens that stank with refuse, even found him once in a small janitorial closet.

About a month into the journey, Hakkai went up onto the roof one day and left a cup of coffee and a newspaper near Sanzo. Sanzo didn't waver in his chanting, and Hakkai didn't speak. Sanzo returned the empty cup a half-hour later without comment.

After that, Hakkai added keeping Sanzo supplied with coffee, nicotine and newspapers to his list of things he could do to occupy himself before the group got going for the day. he sensed that he was right up against the edge of Sanzo's need for space and so he never initiated a conversation int he mornings. He almost felt at first like Sanzo feared the others would ridicule him for acting like a proper monk for once; but over time Sanzo's tension seemed to ease and sometimes after coming back from wherever he'd gone to chant he would start to talk to Hakkai about their route for the day, instead of ignoring him until Gojyo and Goku were also awake. 

Then, one day when the windowpane had frosted over, Hakkai awoke feeling more rested than usual, though just as alert, and aware that the room was full of the smell of smoke and the barely audible sound of a half-whispered chant. Sanzo was sitting on his bed, a lit cigarette in his hand even as he chanted, his whole being emitting a kind of peaceful clarity that Hakkai felt settle into himself, as well.

He lay there without moving, afraid that Sanzo would stop if he know Hakkai was awake. The feeling of peace increased, settling into him, and at the same time he felt very aware--sharp, focused, more than ready to take on the day.

He had no idea how long it was before Sanzo ceased chanting. He heard the movement of the bed, Sanzo's footsteps, and then a quiet, "Don't be stupid. Get up. I expected coffee by now," before Sanzo left the room.

From that point on, Hakkai and Sanzo roomed together, and though Hakkai got less sleep than ever, he had never felt so rested in his life.


	3. 4 pm

**4:00 PM hour theme: harmony of elements, sticking to schedules**

By 4 pm, they were always hopelessly off schedule.

Hakkai had taken recently to glancing at the nearest clock and noting the time at the moment he became aware they were never going to get back on track for the day. It was never later than 4 when he came to this realization; often, it was before noon.

Hakkai was a good schedule-keeper. It worried and irritated him to no end that he couldn't keep the ikkou running on time. He analyzed the problem, trying to figure out where the wheels came off the wagon, what points he might be able to intercede at. Things like one of them not getting enough sleep and waking up cranky, or Goku being particularly hungry, or Gojyo spying a pretty girl. Goku was the worst about causing delays, with Gojyo only slightly better; Sanzo was quick to upbraid those two, and was generally prompter than them, but when he did cause delays it was harder to chivvy him along than anyone else.

Hakkai started working out backup plans and alternate routes ahead of time, and identifying times where things could be tightened up. His morning became almost choreographed--he could pour a cup of coffee, light a cigarette, and hand over a croissant in the space of five seconds. Once he had herded them into the jeep, he was adept at gentle yet firm arguments against pulling over. He was also adept at swift swerves which would knock over anyone attempting to stand up, and the cheerful apologies that came after. When they were forced to stop for groups of assassins, Hakkai would kill on autopilot while his mind was figuring out how much time this delay would cost them. After everyone else was dead, a swift check for injuries--Hakkai always allowed time for that, because to miss even a slight wound could turn into a drastic mistake--and then back into the keep. When they arrived at their destination for the night, Hakkai would make sure the other three were fed before studying the map; only after he had the next day's route planned could he relax.

On his way to bed one evening, Hakkai stopped at Sanzo's door to tell him there was tea cooling on the counter if he wanted some. Sanzo said no, and asked if Hakkai was going to bed; when Hakkai said yes, Sanzo informed him, "I will be getting up at six forty-three tomorrow morning."

"Oh?" Hakkai replied, nonplussed.

Sanzo nodded, not looking up from his newspaper. "I figured, that being the case, you'd want to get up at six forty-two."

"Six thirty-five if you're expecting coffee," Hakkai quipped, still not sure why Sanzo was bringing this up.

Sanzo turned a page of the newspaper. "Actually, now I'm planning on sleeping until eight just to spite you."

"Sanzo, what are you getting at?" Hakkai asked, thoroughly nonplussed.

Sanzo shook his head in irritation, like a horse that was trying to flick a fly off its mane. "No. I'm starting to get sucked into your schedule games. I refuse."

"Scheduling games?" Hakkai repeated, not sure if he was confused or offended.

"Don't act innocent."

Suppressing irritation, Hakkai folded his arms and said, "I'm really not sure what you're referring to, Sanzo."

Still without looking up from the paper, Sanzo replied without heat, "You're getting damned controlling lately. You might want to do something about it."

"One of us has to keep some momentum going."

"We've got plenty of momentum. We're making shit time but that isn't going to change no matter what you do--and trying to control every move each of us makes isn't actually going to give you any more control over the circumstances we're all in. It'll just get you shot one day when you become truly irritating."

"What an interesting theory."

For a moment it seemed Sanzo would argue with him--he certainly glanced at him for the first time, but then he turned back to the newspaper. "You're the best herding dog I know, Hakkai," he commented.

Hakkai let it go, leaving the room without responding. The next morning, however, he woke Sanzo up at six forty-three with a cup of coffee. When Sanzo grudgingly took a sip of the coffee, he discovered it was heavily laced with salt. "A dog left it for you, with his compliments," Hakkai said cheerfully. "He also said that he'd considered your advice carefully and decided it had some merit. You do make the most unusual acquaintances, Sanzo."

Sanzo fumed for most of two days over the salted coffee, but Hakkai remained cheerful--and, to his astonishment, he discovered that when he loosened his hold on the schedule things actually ran a little smoother.

Most of the time.


	4. 3 am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I was glad to get an hour theme which let me write about one of my favorite parts of their relationship: Hakkai's incremental little attacks on Sanzo's walls. :) Some more slashy fics are coming after this; I had been planning on doing slash sooner, but I seem to have gotten there slowly and cautiously, rather like I imagine the boys would.)

**3:00 AM hour theme: determination, especially in matters that seem to hold you back**

"Hakkai..."

"...Yes?"

"You're on my bed."

"Yes."

"Again."

"I am aware of it."

Sanzo's first instinct was to pick up his gun, but he didn't for two reasons. One, he was too bloody tired to be bothered. The other was that Hakkai was one of the very few people Sanzo had encountered in his life who couldn't be dealt with by threatening to shoot him. He wasn't alarmed or deterred by force--criticism worked better, since it was Sanzo's disregard and not his wrath Hakkai feared. Furthermore, Sanzo had too strong a self-preservation instinct to not have noticed and taken into account by now Hakkai's tendency to repay real or perceived injuries a hundredfold. The gun was out.

But this method of handling Hakkai left Sanzo with very few options on the occasions when Hakkai decided to become a burr in Sanzo's side and stopped responding to verbal criticism.

This has officially become one of those times. Hakkai was sitting cross-legged on the foot of Sanzo's bed; this was the third night in a row that Sanzo had woken to find him there. The first two nights, Hakkai had apologized and moved back to his own bed without explaining himself. Sanzo had chosen not to ask what the hell he was doing; from the level of Hakkai's tenseness he was sure the explanation would be complicated, emotional, and long, none of which were things that Sanzo wanted to deal with. It bothered him greatly that Hakkai had managed each night to get _on_ to the bed without waking Sanzo up, but since he had removed himself promptly, Sanzo had thus far ignored it.

Now, it occurred to Sanzo that Hakkai might be waiting for Sanzo to ask. Hakkai was very indirect with his communication, and very manipulative too. It was possible he was trying to get Sanzo to ask him a question or pay attention to something that Sanzo had not yet, and that's why he was not getting off the bed this night.

Perverseness made Sanzo want to ignore this realization; he hated Hakkai's passive-aggressive tendencies, and to get into a conversation now might reinforce those traits. 

On the other hand, Sanzo was a self-serving creature. And Hakkai wouldn't get off the damn bed.

So Sanzo rolled onto his back and gave Hakkai a speculative look. Hakkai was leaning against the wall and looking out the window, trying to appear relaxed and failing. "Is there a point to this?" Sanzo asked.

Hakkai smiled faintly. Still not looking at Sanzo, he replied, "Presumably so."

"You'd better make it clear, fast."

"As soon as it becomes clear to me."

Sanzo didn't have the patience for this. He got up, crossed the room, and got into Hakkai's bed--which, he noticed with irritation, hadn't been slept in yet. Hakkai didn't move. Sanzo waited a moment longer to see if he would, then settled back into sleep.

He woke with the feeling that not much time had passed to find Hakkai again sitting on the foot of the bed, reminding Sanzo forcefully and distastefully of a dog sleeping at it's master's feet. _We are switching roommates tomorrow,_ he thought furiously. _Better the monkey's snoring-_ - _better the kappa talking in his sleep--than this._ He sat up, pushing his hair out of his face; Hakkai glanced at him. "Hakkai. What. The. Hell."

Hakkai smiled and shrugged. "I'm a bit of a nervous sleeper."

"Me too. I get an itchy trigger finger when my sleep's interrupted."

"I am sorry to hear that you never get a full night's rest" Hakkai replied solicitously.

Sanzo squelched an impulse to get up and stalk out of the room; it was his damn room, it was his gold card that had paid for it, and he wasn't going to get chased out of it like this. Besides, wherever he went, Hakkai was likely to materialize there in a few minutes.

So he decided victory was sleep. He would go back to ignoring Hakkai, and in the morning see about switching roommates. Sanzo lay back down, and when sleep didn't come, he pretended that it did. After what felt like about twenty minutes, Hakkai moved; with excessive caution, he slowly lay down next to Sanzo.

Sanzo waited until Hakkai was settled before giving him a hard shove. Hakkai did not oblige him by rolling onto the floor; apparently he had been braved, just in case. "I also tend to strangle people in my sleep," Sanzo informed him through gritted teeth.

"So long as I can sleep first, I think I'll die happy."

"Can't sleep?" It was the first clue Hakkai had tossed him as to the cause of his strange behavior...thought why he'd chosen to deal with the problem by setting up camp in Sanzo's bed...

"Very little."

"And your solution is to keep me up, too."

"I haven't been keeping you from sleeping," Hakkai said, with a hint of frustration in his tone. "I've been trying very hard _not_ to wake you up. All I'm trying to do is get some sleep. I'm no use to you or anyone if I don't."

"Exactly _how_ is this helping you sleep?"

Hakkai shrugged; then, in a quieter tone than he had been using, replied, "I think it's nerves. I... like to know that you will not disappear in the middle of the night."

Sanzo's perception of events shifted with those words. It was like a switch had flipped in his head, a switch labelled _Kanan issue._ Hakkai had become afraid of people disappearing when he was not paying attention. And falling asleep, of course, was the ultimate form of not paying attention. It wasn't rational, but if it was a Kanan issue it didn't have to be. Same logic applied to why it had come up so suddenly, without an apparent trigger; and furthermore, Sanzo knew from past experience that there was no point fighting with Hakkai over Kanan issues. They just had to be worked around.

_But how far do I really indulge him?_

Sanzo lay there fuming silently for a moment; then he got up and went outside, to fume silently there. Hakkai did not follow him.

 _This is ridiculous. But I need him functional. I can't make this group work without him, so he has to be able to sleep._ I _have to be able to sleep too, and I don't want him sleeping next to me. It's too intimate. When he gets tired enough, he'll sleep in his own bed. Or, when he gets tired enough, he'll get killed in a skirmish or drive us all off a cliff. But I don't want him... I... It's not that I can't sleep when he's there. But he doesn't have to be. He knows I can take care of myself, and he knows I'm not walking out in the middle of the night. So it's not that. It's just... just..._

By sunup, Sanzo had still not managed to pin down what it "just" was. But he had decided what to do about it.

He spent the day in a worse mood than usual due to the lack of sleep--and he noticed Hakkai wasn't bothering to smooth over the many quarrels that sprang up, and drove like it was his first day behind the wheel. That night, they made arrangements for two rooms at a hotel, one of which Goku quickly disappeared into with a loud wish to get away from everyone's bad moods; Gojyo was gone just as quickly, looking for his usual evening pursuits. Sanzo had no intention of sitting silently with Hakkai while the inn's common room slowly emptied out around them; he fixed Hakkai with a stern look and said, "Go to bed. Now."

Hakkai looked at him mutely, then with an air of resignation got up and went upstairs. Sanzo waited just as long as it took him to finish his beer, then went up after him.

Hakkai was lying in bed but was making no pretense of being asleep; his eyes were open and staring at the ceiling. Sanzo stripped his ceremonial robe, put the gun and the sutra down on the night table, and wordlessly lay down next to Hakkai.

He could feel Hakkai's surprise; could feel, too, the moment when that surprise gave way to happiness. Hakkai drew breath to speak, but then wisely stopped himself; instead, he briefly laid a hand on Sanzo's arm in a silent _thank you_ , before settling into a more comfortable position. Sanzo did the same, letting out the tension he had been holding in his own body, the fear that Hakkai would want to talk about _what this means_ _._

He was comfortably drowsy when Hakkai rolled onto his side, putting his front against Sanzo's back, and an arm landed heavily around his waist. Sanzo's eyes shot open. 

"Hakkai..."

 


	5. 11 pm

**11:00 PM hour theme: coping with drastic change in a positive manner**

"Don't be an idiot" Sanzo said crisply.

Hakkai looked meditatively out the window at the snow, pondering the predicament he was in. He had just been going over the paltry excuses he might use, to get home and avoid trespassing on Sanzo's boundaries--but they were paltry indeed. They both knew there was nothing truly critical waiting for Hakkai had home; Jipu wouldn't starve to death in the course of one night, and Gojyo most likely wouldn't be home until 3 or 4 in the morning--if, indeed, he decided to brave the blizzard to get home, rather than spend the night with a female acquaintance. And Hakkai and Sanzo also both knew that Hakkai would be bake here at the temple tomorrow morning anyway. It was already eleven, and the storm was only getting worse. It would make so much more sense for him to stay.

He _had_ stayed, on previous occasions when it had grown very late or the weather had, like now, changed too suddenly for him to predict. But that was before he had started sleeping with Sanzo. A man who had more space issues than Hakkai could have imagined possible.

A man who was now reiterating his offer, in the most gracious way he could manage. "I said don't be an idiot. Get away from the window and go to bed."

Hakkai turned to face Sanzo, one eyebrow raised slightly. Smiling to show his intent was to tease, he spoke in a tone of surprise. "You know how to share a bed?"

Sanzo blew out a stream of cigarette smoke. "Sure," he said gruffly. "You shift a little to the left."

"And keep your cold feet to yourself," Hakkai amended, smiling as he went to turn down the covers.

Sanzo muttered something about not having cold feet, but he came and joined Hakkai to get ready for bed, so Hakkai let himself sight quietly in relief. They probably wouldn't have sex tonight--it wouldn't surprise him if Sanzo slept slinging to the other edge of the bed--but just spending the whole night in the same bed with someone was probably not something Sanzo had ever done.

It was only later, when Sanzo had fallen into a light doze, that it began to trouble Hakkai that he, too, hadn't spent the night in a bed with someone since Kanan. Every time he thought he was starting to function normally again, he would run into another first: the first holiday without her, the first kiss that wasn't with her, the first time he ate her favorite food without bringing her some...

He was starting to depress himself when the door to Sanzo's room suddenly burst open, hitting the wall with a loud thus, and a familiar voice exclaimed "Sanzo!"

Sanzo reacted as though electrocuted; he jumped so high he nearly hit the ceiling, and came back down with gun in hand, aimed at the intruder. "GET OUT!" he thundered.

"But Sanzo..." Hakkai lay there trying to suppress his laughter. As far as he was aware, Sanzo hadn't mentioned his and Hakkai's new arrangement to Goku just yet; this was probably the last way Sanzo would have wanted him to find out. "Hey, don't point that thing at me! You know I hate being alone in the snow, and I didn't even know it was snowing until I woke up just now! I panicked!"

Sanzo's response was to cock the trigger. "Get out," he repeated. "Now."

Hakkai sighed. He pushed himself to a sitting position and said calmly, almost casually, "Goku, I thought you weren't afraid of snow anymore. Because you know you can move in and out of it when you want. Didn't we show you how to make snow angels? Snow men?"

Goku--who had showed surprise only by the slightest widening of his eyes upon noticing Hakkai--pondered this. "But it's dark."

"You know what I always craved in snowstorms when I was a child? Hot chocolate. Or milk and a warm cookie."

Goku's face lit up. "I'll go see if they have any! Hey, thanks Hakkai." Pausing only to stick his tongue out at Sanzo, he ran back out of the room.

Sanzo buried his face in his hands. Hakkai started to laugh. "It's not funny," Sanzo muttered, his voice muffled by his hands.

"Perhaps we should have offered to let him crawl into bed between us," Hakkai said through his laughter. "Read him a story."

Rage overrode caution, and Sanzo grabbed his pillow and hit Hakkai with it, several times. "Goku--is--not--my--kid!" he roared.

But Hakkai just kept laughing, relieved and amused at how easily he hurdles were falling--first night together, first time getting caught in potentially intimate circumstances, first time telling a friend. Things that were the first time _with_ someone, instead of the first time _without_. If he could get through all the _firsts_ with Sanzo with no worse injury than being beaten by a pillow, he'd be a happy man.


	6. 7 pm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like the way this one came out; it has this soft feeling to it, and considering what Saiyuki is like, it's nice to give these boys a moment of peace.

**7:00 PM hour theme: diversity, blending or healing differences; gentle care towards others**

It was a hazy evening at the temple, everything quiet and serene. The evening star was just starting to be visible on the horizon. Sanzo was sitting at his office window, looking down at the garden--in particular, at a man who was lying on a bench, resting. He was reflecting on the oddity that it had taken knowing a mass murderer for him to learn how--and why--to treat others gently.   
  
Most people didn't realize how much Sanzo altered his behavior depending on who he was with. Sanzo was just as glad they didn't, even though he didn't see it as a lack of will or a weakness in his own personality. It was simply the fastest and easiest way to get what he wanted from people. Goku, for example, needed stability. He needed to know where Sanzo was, when he was coming back, and that he was safe. If Sanzo gave him that, he not only didn't have to hear the kid's voice crying out in his mind, he had a functional monkey instead of an insanely powerful berserker. Easy trade.   
  
Or the kappa. So conditioned to having poison and praise mixed in together that he not only expected it, he practically required it. Gojyo wouldn't believe any statement that didn't come with a healthy dose of bickering and derision in front of it, and Sanzo was more than happy to be the person to provide _that._   
  
And Hakkai, the man currently making the monks all bristle by resting so peacefully in their garden. Hakkai needed careful handling, like a bomb you weren't entirely certain was diffused. Logic on the one hand, respectful avoidance of old wounds on the other. And trust. Hakkai was constantly seeking proof of trust, drinking it in at a rate Sanzo could barely keep up with. He was definitely the most high-maintenance of the three.   
  
Tonight, watching over him without his knowledge, Sanzo had arrived at the ironic conclusion that he treated this man, the infamous mass murderer, more gently than he treated any other living being.   
  
Inevitably, the part of Sanzo's psyche that spoke with Koumyou's voice whispered in his mind, providing the response he knew his master would have given: _Including yourself?_  
  
Sanzo ground out the cigarette he had been smoking. _Of course. Why would I treat myself gently?_   
  
The light was fading. Sanzo thought for a moment. There was nothing on his desk that the monks were likely to bother him about if it didn't get finished; likewise, it was late enough in the day that they wouldn't interrupt him unless it was urgent. Goku was outside the temple somewhere, playing with a stray dog he'd undoubtedly be asking to keep soon. No one was likely to be demanding Sanzo's attention.   
  
Sanzo left his office and went down to the garden. Hakkai didn't react to his presence, not even so much as to open his eyes when Sanzo sat down on the ground next to him in lotus position. Sanzo knew he was awake, though. The lack of reaction left Sanzo unable to determine when Hakkai had become aware of him, but Sanzo was grateful for it anyway. He didn't want to start a conversation.   
  
Sanzo brought his hands to his chest and began to chant quietly. It was the same sutra that many of the monks were reciting in the hall together, marking the sunset, but to Sanzo it sounded different outside. Hakkai, his eyes still closed, tilted his head slightly toward Sanzo. The smallest hint of a smile drifted across his face.  
  
 _Two killers, meditating. Two pairs of hands drenched in blood, at rest. Whatever he is, he is more like me than any man I know._   
  
Sanzo was unsure when he stopped chanting. He drifted into a meditation that was too deep for him to notice his surroundings. When he came out of it, full darkness had come and the garden was silent except for cicadas. Hakkai was still lying on the bench, asleep now, but he must have moved at some point because he was wearing a jacket and another one had been draped over Sanzo's shoulders.   
  
Sanzo knew if he went to his rooms and left Hakkai to sleep here, the monks would be scandalized. Probably wake Hakkai in the middle of the night. Sanzo would have to send him home, or at the very least wake him up enough to get him inside.  
  
 _Gentleness and trust._  
  
Sanzo sat silently for a moment. Then he put his arms through the sleeves of the jacket, lay down on the ground next to Hakkai, and went to sleep.   
  
  
   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. 5 pm

**5:00 PM hour theme: insight to the self, communicating with spiritual guides**

"Come back," Sanzo said quietly. Then he looked at his watch.  
  
It took nine seconds before Hakkai reacted. Before his expression changed, his eyes refocused, and he gave some indication he had heard Sanzo speak.   
  
Sanzo was glad they were alone in the hotel room. He didn't particularly mind that Hakkai was insane. He didn't care if he caught an occasional look of homicidal impulse or cold detachment--or both--cross Hakkai's face. What bothered him was when Hakkai left the room entirely, and someone else took up residence behind his eyes. The someone else Sanzo had first encountered hiding in Gojyo's house, without hope or direction or momentum.   
  
"Dinner," Hakkai said vaguely.  
  
It was only 5 pm, but Sanzo played along--better to let Hakkai believe Sanzo had spoken to draw his attention _to_ something, rather than _away_ from something. "Goku has less than an hour to either be fed or be shot for _asking_ to be fed. Your choice."  
  
"I'd hate to be down a team member." Hakkai's smile was wan, but his eyes stayed focused and he moved toward the bags that held their groceries, so Sanzo deemed it safe to stop paying attention to him and go back to the newspaper.   
  
He couldn't help himself from glancing up, though, checking. He was irritated. Nine seconds to respond to being spoken to. And it was getting more frequent, for Sanzo to look up and find Gonou there. He wondered briefly if teaching Hakkai to meditate would help keep him from his memories, but quickly dismissed the idea. Hakkai was probably the last person on earth who could learn to still his mind--forcing him to sit still with nothing to do but think would end in disaster. And why should Sanzo go to that kind of effort? As long as he could snap Hakkai out of it with a few words, as long as it didn't happen during battle, it wasn't a problem.  
  
But when had Sanzo become the one responsible for noticing, and for calling him back?  
  
~*~  
  
Hakkai was almost never in bed before Sanzo, and so he tried to be quiet when he went into their room. He wasn't sure why he bothered, since Sanzo inevitably woke--sleeping light was a healthy habit for someone who averaged out at more than one assasination attempt per day.   
  
But tonight, Sanzo didn't notice when Hakkai came into their room. He wasn't asleep, either. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed, an unlit cigarette in his fingers, staring out the window. His eyes were glazed over.   
  
Hakkai studied him for a moment, wondering which memory he was lost in. "Come back."  
  
Sanzo didn't stir. Hakkai crossed the room and touched his shoulder lightly. Sanzo's eyes focused on him. Hakkai smiled, a little pleased that Sanzo hadn't tried to shoot him, despite his expression indicating startlement. "We really must stop meeting like this," Hakkai quipped.  
  
"You mean, we both need to not be killed because we're too deep in thought to notice someone else is in the room?"  
  
"Something like that."  
  
"If I die that way I'm blaming you."  
  
Hakkai opened his mouth to protest, but changed his mind--Sanzo was settling into bed. If he was sleepy, he didn't have to make sense.  
  
Yet his statement bothered Hakkai, and kept him from becoming sleepy himself as he got into his own bed. Sanzo complained about the others plenty, but he was vehement about remaining in control of and responsible for every action he took. Even a casual admission that Hakkai was able to influence Sanzo's behavior was out of character. Did it mean he was responsible for pulling Sanzo out of these moods?  
  
"Hakkai. Stop thinking so loudly."  
  
"I'm sorry," Hakkai said with a faint smile. "Am I too tense for you to sleep?"  
  
"Just spit it out. Whatever you're thinking."  
  
"I was wondering what will happen when one of us fails to call the other back."  
  
"We'll die," Sanzo replied, his tone straightforward and almost casual.  
  
Hakkai thought about the number of attacks they endured in an average week, and the intensity. "I suppose you're right."  
  
Sanzo was quiet for so long Hakkai thought he'd gone to sleep. He had even started to drift off himself when Sanzo's voice cut through the quiet. "You should stop getting distracted. But I don't plan on not catching you."  
  
Hakkai smiled. "You also. To both."  
  
It wasn't as good as actually becoming more peaceful, as gaining insight into why he got stuck in his memories and how to stop it. But as safety nets went, it was pretty good.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. 4 am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Enjoy a short, silly one; this is the very first thing that came into my mind when I put the time and the rest of the prompt together :P)

**4:00 AM: Improved luck or victory over a specific set of deterring circumstances.**

   The first time Hakkai took the sutra off Sanzo's shoulders while undressing him, it was something of a disaster. The sutra, it appeared, did not care to be handled by Hakkai. Sanzo managed to claim the damage to the room had been the result of a demon attack, and Hakkai was careful to explain his injuries in the same way. Sanzo then designated the incident Not To Be Spoken Of, Ever, but Hakkai was unintimidated. He knew the sutra was powerful; he would merely need to be more careful around it. 

    Unfortunately, Hakkai's unique blend of energies combined with Sanzo's state of mind when Hakkai was undressing him proved to be a volatile combination. There was the time they blasted a hole in the wall of an inn and had to claim it was a chi blast gone awry. There was the time the sutra seized on a man on the other side of the inn and they had to pretend they'd suspected him of something. And there was the time it happened at 4 am and neither of them were quick enough to come up with an excuse when Gojyo and Goku burst into the room, looking for assassins. Goku had been confused, but Gojyo had just busted up laughing and hadn't stopped for nearly a week, despite Sanzo's frequent threats to execute him.   
 

   The root of the problem was that Sanzo was so uptight, Hakkai couldn't just remind him to take the thing off himself. Sanzo didn't like being without it, for understandable reasons, and he also didn't like to acknowledge they were about to have sex. He preferred to pretend it was something that was just happening by accident, a little beneath his notice and something he certainly wasn't emotionally invested in. So Hakkai would have to sneak up on the sutra.

    He tried modifying his own energy by removing a limiter, but that resulted in the hole in the wall. He tried not touching it directly, sort of sliding it off with Sanzo's robes, but that didn't fool the sutra. There were times when Hakkai almost wished someone would succeed in stealing it.

    A sentiment which he might have expressed to clearly during one of their half-hostile, half-friendly run in with Kougaji's team. Something in his expression, or one of his companion's, caused Yaone to look mildly scandalized and demand, "Don't you all understand how important this sutra is?"

    "Hey, it's flashy, but it's not a big deal," Gojyo said with bravado. 

    "It's super powerful," Goku replied more forthrightly.

    "It certainly puts a damper on my sex life," Hakkai reflected--and only after seeing the shock on the Kougaji team's faces, and the murder on Sanzo's, did he realize he had spoken out loud. "That is..."

    He never did manage to come up with an acceptable way to fix his sentence. But, since to prevent Hakkai making another such statement Sanzo finally got it into his head that he had to ditch the sutra before things started heating up, Hakkai could honestly say it was worth it.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. 9 pm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Unfortunately, this is as far as I got in this series before I read the manga. Fun fact: while the anime is strong on the Sanzo/Hakkai vibes, the manga (and Gaiden!) are supersuper Gojyo/Hakkai, and I became so converted to that pairing that I had a hard time writing this. Appropriate, then, that it ended on a tale of Sanzo's jealousy of Gojyo. :) I never declare fics dead, I've been known to go back to things I haven't worked on in 6 years, but I have to say this is very far down on my list.)

**9:00 PM hour theme: comprehension of universal truth.**  
  
Sanzo was experiencing a profound realization. Inspired by Gojyo's T-shirt.  
  
He would have died before admitting this to anyone. He could barely cope with the idea himself. But he was past the point that he could deny it. An article of clothing had just brought about a revelation.  
  
It was because Hakkai was wearing it. Which wasn't unusual--Sanzo had noticed, even before their journey west began, that the most comfortable of Gojyo's clothes tended to make their way (almost as if by their own accord) into Hakkai's wardrobe. Right now, Hakkai was wearing the T-shirt as a pajama top, which was all normal and good. Except that tonight, it was pissing Sanzo off.  
  
He tossed uncomfortably on his mattress, then stilled himself, looking sideways at Hakkai. He lay quiet in the other bed, no sign that Sanzo's restless movements had disturbed him. But Sanzo knew that Hakkai was a light sleeper, and also perceptive of the moods of those around him. The last thing Sanzo wanted was for him to wake up and ask what was wrong.  
  
Still, it was hard not to give into the impulse to toss and turn as he wondered why, of all things, this particular bit of minutia had gotten under his skin. And then the revelation came.  
  
He was jealous.  
  
A man he happened to know--Sanzo didn't consider himself to have friends, so that was all Hakkai was--had fallen asleep wearing something that belonged to his roommate. So what was Sanzo supposed to feel jealous _of?_ Gojyo's inability to defend his wardrobe? Sanzo had never envied the ability to share space that allowed people to casually borrow from each other. And he would shoot himself before he'd let someone micromanage his life the way Hakkai did Gojyo's.  
  
What was it, then?  
  
Forcing himself to be honest, Sanzo had to admit wearing someone else's clothes could be more than a symptom of living together. It could also be a gesture of intimacy; of possession. Hakkai was wearing another man's clothes, and that man wasn't Sanzo.  
  
Sanzo clenched his fists, fighting the impulse to swear and/or shoot things. This was ridiculous. He would forget about it by morning. It had probably only happened because he was exhausted--they all were, in bed by nine because they hadn't had a night's sleep uninterrupted by assassins in over a week. Exhaustion could do strange things to a mind.  
  
And yet...  
  
As the night wore on and Sanzo was unable to fall asleep, his traitorous memory began to cough up proof that this sort of reaction to Hakkai wasn't actually all that abnormal. Wasn't that why he always maneuvered to have Hakkai for a roommate? Sure, Hakkai could be quiet--which was the reason Sanzo gave for his preference--but he could also be talkative when he wanted to, and it was easier to shut the other two up with the threat of bullets than to ignore Hakkai when he didn't choose to be ignored either. And it wasn't because Hakkai was the neatest of them, which was the other excuse Sanzo gave--Sanzo wasn't exactly a clean freak himself, so why deliberately room with the guy most likely to nag at him for not picking up his socks? Why hadn't somebody seen through his flimsy reasoning yet?  
  
The most horrifying thought yet presented itself. Maybe somebody _had_ noticed, and just valued life and limb too much to say anything. Maybe they all had noticed.  
  
Sanzo's first, panicked thought was, _I have to kill them all._ Then he slammed his head against the bed in frustration, realizing he had allowed himself to get worked into a homicidal frenzy because of Gojyo's shirt. Pathetic. Pathetic that the thought of Hakkai sharing even the slightest, most ambiguous intimacy with a skirt-chasing bufoon should cause Sanzo to see red.  
  
Perhaps he was making up implications that weren't there. Maybe Hakkai'd had that shirt for so long he didn't even remember it was Gojyo's. No, that was stupid. Hakkai never forgot anything; if Sanzo knew the shirt was Gojyo's, Hakkai certainly did. Sanzo tried again. Maybe Hakkai knew it was Gojyo's, but the reason he wore it was because it gave him a small sense of satisfaction to know he had successfully taken over possesion of it. Living together could produce minor ongoing skirmishes like that, and Hakkai was one to express his victories subtly.  
  
_None of that matters,_ Sanzo reminded himself harshly. Whatever Hakkai's thoughts were, the problem was Sanzo's reaction. Searching himself, he realized he didn't feel irritated with Gojyo. Just Hakkai. He wanted Hakkai to... do what? Ditch the shirt? That wasn't it.  
  
He just wanted Hakkai to be closer to him. More than to Gojyo, or to anyone. If Hakkai did something that might indicate, ever so subtly, that he belonged to someone else, it had to be _him,_ dammit.  
  
"Sanzo?"  
  
Even though Hakkai's voice had been quiet, Sanzo's hand shot to his gun. He looked at the other bed guiltily. Hakkai was looking at him intently, his face surprisingly different and open without his monocle. How long had Hakkai been watching him? "Is something wrong?" Hakkai inquired.  
  
Unprepared for the intrusion into his thought process, Sanzo blurted out, "Why do you wear that shirt?"  
  
Hakkai blinked and looked down at himself. "Ah... it's comfortable for sleeping." He cocked his head to one side. "Are you all right, Sanzo?"  
  
Sanzo couldn't think of anything to say that would make his question sound normal. "Fine," he said succinctly.  
  
"Can't you sleep?"  
  
"Not while you're talking to me," Sanzo said pointedly.  
  
Hakkai chose to take the hint and closed his eyes, settling more comfortably against the mattress. Sanzo closed his eyes too, thinking bleakly that tomorrow he would have to see about changing up the sleeping arrangements. Any annoyance the other two could produce was better than this new danger. A lack of proximity would take care of the problem.  
  
He hoped.  



End file.
